Fade Into You
by AlexDonado
Summary: Gon is leaving with his dad to train leaving Killua behind. What will happen when they have to say goodbye? what will happen when they see each other after those years?


**Disclaimer : I do not own HunterxHunter**

**Summary : Gon is leaving with his dad to train leaving Killua behind. What will happen when they have to say goodbye? what will happen when they see each other after those years? **

**Side Note: Just a little something in between story's. This might be a one shot, though I doubt it. Please let me know what you think!**

**GonxKillua fic. **

Clarity

Killua stood looking at the door. His heart was beating fast and he wished with every fiber of his being that he had just stayed in his room. But how could he? He was leaving tomorrow and when was he going to see him again? He just couldn't stay in his room no matter how much he wished he could. He tried to justify himself; they'd been through so much together all these years, it just didn't make any sense that they'd be apart right now. Gon had finally met his dad and talked to him and now they were going to train somewhere and he wasn't going to be there. What if Gon did the same thing to him? Make him look for him till the end of the world; Gon was the light in his life but he wasn't sure he'd throw all of his pride out the window and go look for someone who might not even want to be found. He never had the same braveness Gon did; or maybe he just thought about things more. Either way, this was it; right this moment, in front of this door, Killua had to say goodbye. It had to be a proper goodbye too.

Killua sighed and took a deep breath; he heard footsteps coming towards the door and the corner of his mouth lifted in an involuntary twitch. Of course he knew I was standing here. He felt Gon standing right at the other side of the door waiting for Killua to just knock. Why couldn't he? Maybe Gon should just shatter his pride and open the door and find him there, standing like an idiot. He let himself smile and shook his head, raising his hand to knock on the door. Gon knew him better than that; he knew he needed to be the one doing the knocking. He'd grown so much in that god forsaken place. Gon waited a polite amount of time before he reached for the door and pushed it open.

Killua saw Gon look out with an apprehensive look on his face but he said nothing. He was shirtless and probably already in bed in the dark room but Killua could tell he hadn't been able to sleep either.

"Hi" Killua said feeling rather pathetic but Gon just smiled at him softly and opened the door wider to let him come through. Killua did and walked to the edge of his bed and sat with his face in his hands.

"Couldn't sleep?" Gon asked and Killua felt the bed dip next to him with Gon's weight. For some reason his heart just couldn't sit still; he felt like crying but he just couldn't bring himself to do that again. Killua shook his head. "Come on" Gon said softly and touched his shoulder before Killua felt him move backwards on the bed. He took a deep breath and followed Gon; he lied on his back looking up at the ceiling.

"This feels wrong" Killua said after the silence had stretched too long. He felt Gon shift besides him and turn to look at him.

"Why?" Gon asked and Killua knew he probably didn't even know what he meant by _this._

"I just got you back" Killua whispered but he knew Gon could still hear him. He heard Gon catch his breath next to him understanding what he meant; he relaxed almost immediately and shifted a bit closer to him.

"It's not the same thing" Gon said to him and Killua nodded. He knew it wasn't the same thing; Gon was alive and he was going to be training with his dad. Somehow this felt worse; if Gon had died, he wouldn't be choosing to leave him behind.

"I know, but" Killua said but he didn't know exactly what to say to him. He shifted to his side and saw Gon looking intently at him with those bright brown eyes. The moonlight fell on his face and he almost shone there in the darkness; it was amazing how he could do that all the time.

"But?" Gon pressed on, pulling Killua from his thoughts.

"I don't know how to be without you anymore" Killua said in the same whisper and he saw Gon's eyes soften even more; he didn't think that was possible.

"You don't have to. You can come with me" Gon said to him for the hundredth time that day. Killua closed his eyes and shook his head. He tried his best to keep his eyes from shedding tears but it was becoming increasingly difficult.

"I can't" Killua said without opening his eyes. He felt Gon place one of his unnaturally warm hands on the side of his face and willed himself not to press his face to the touch; he refused to open his eyes.

"Yes you can. I don't get why you keep saying that. I don't want to do this without you; I don't want to do any of it without you Killua" Gon said to him and Killua felt all his efforts crumble and tears starting to fall; but it was fine, because he heard Gon's voice break several times while he spoke and he knew Gon was feeling the same things.

"It's not forever" Killua reminded them but it didn't seem to be enough for either of them.

"I don't care. Come with me" Gon pleaded with him. Killua felt his heart just as heavy as all those times he saw Gon lying on that bed half dead. He felt all the pain over and over again and he couldn't control himself when he reached his own hand to the back of Gon's neck and buried his face on the side of it. If Gon was surprised by this he didn't show it; he just moved his arms around him and held him closer.

"Gon you knew this was going to happen at one moment or another. We both did. This is _your_ dad and _your _adventure. I have to figure things out for myself" Killua said to him; his voice slightly muffled by his current position, "It's not forever" he said again and hoped one of them believed him this time.

"I rather not go at all" Gon said quietly and to this Killua lifted his head and shifted his weight so that he leaned on his elbow and looked own at Gon's face.

"No" Killua said firmly. He looked into Gon's eyes and he realized that he had never been this close to him before. Killua could see every tiny fleck of honey in his eyes making them seem deeper and warmer; something Killua thought impossible. His breath caught in his chest and he tried to ignore the warm feeling spreading going through it. _Fuck it,_ he thought, _when am I even going to see him again._ He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead to Gon's. "You've been waiting for this all your life. You have too. Go. Come find me after" Killua said; he was finally close enough to Gon to smell him. He smelled like sunlight; pure and unfiltered sunlight.

"It's not enough" he heard Gon say as he closed his arms around his neck pulling him closer to him. Killua wasn't sure exactly what Gon meant by those words but he was sure it was true; nothing was ever enough. Killua moved his free arm from Gon's neck to his back mimicking his moves; he could feel Gon's breath on his face and the rise and fall of his chest on his own. The warmth of Gon's bare chest was spreading through his shirt and onto his own. "Come with me or ask me to stay but please" Gon started until his voice broke. He inched his face closer and Killua felt his lips lightly brushing against his when he spoke again, "Please don't leave me" Gon pleaded but all Killua could register was just how close he was and how unbelievable his lips felt that close to his.

"I'll never leave you" Killua whispered even though they both knew it was a lie and that was as much as he could take; moving his lips against Gon's as he spoke was too much. Killua pressed them to Gon and felt just how incredibly soft and warm they were. It was just a soft touch and but it felt better than anything else he had ever felt, so he did it again and again. "I'll never leave you" he said again and pressed himself harder on Gon; from his lips to his chest and Gon pushed back against him. The pressure between them felt so perfect. Killua wasn't sure when but one of his legs had found its way in between Gon's and now he felt Gon rise his free leg and move it closer to Killua; as if calling him closer to him. Killua obliged and moved himself over Gon, resting his weight over him and settling himself over Gon. He didn't move his lips from Gon's; instead he just moved them to capture his lower lip in between his own.

"Killua" Gon started to say but Killua just took advantage of his parted lips to run his tongue hesitantly over Gon's lower lip. He heard his breath catch in his chest once more and Killua could hear the blood thumping in his ears.

"Don't" Killua said, pressing his lips softly on Gon's, "Don't say anything" he said and moved slightly apart to look at Gon. His whole face was flushed and Killua thought he could see the confusion in his eyes. "J-just kiss me back" Killua said softly and leaned down to kiss him again. He felt Gon melt and press his lips back to his. _Yes, _Killua thought to himself, _just like that. _The soft pressure against his lips was overwhelming; he had to taste more. Killua slipped his tongue over Gon's lips again and he swore he had never tasted anything quite as perfect in his life; it was like sweet light. Without warning, Gon shot his own to reach Killua's on his lips; it shouldn't have but it surprised him and Killua broke apart and looked at Gon with wide eyes. Gon looked back at him embarrassed and confused.

"Was that not okay?" Gon asked him softly trying to avert his eyes. Killua nudged his face back to look at him with one hand. Killua shook his face at him; his eyes fell back to Gon's lips and unconsciously ran his tongue over his lower lip.

"Shut up and do it again" Killua said and kissed him again; Gon obliged and Killua let his tongue touch his slowly adjusting to the feeling. Gon's breath was so warm pouring into his mouth; Killua could tell it his breathing was just as uneven as his by it. It was absolutely perfect. The first touches were so soft and hesitant it was slowly turning into torture; Killua could taste Gon one second then he couldn't, driving him insane. He heard a deep groan on the back of his throat and adjusted his body over Gon and tilted his head deepening their kiss, making sure he could always taste him. Gon moved his arms from his neck down his back caressing his skin none too gently making another sound escape him without his permission.

Killua moved his body again instinctively trying to feel as much of Gon as he could as he explored his mouth. This time he was sure the sound hadn't come from him and he felt himself smile against Gon's lips. He moved his body shifting his hips over Gon's and heard that sound again; it was somewhere between a whimper and a growl and Killua decided right there it was his favorite sound. He wanted to hear it over and over again as he tasted Gon; he wanted to know it was he who caused it. Killua felt Gon move his hands lower on his back and then back up under his shirt; he swore he felt his hands burning into his skin. Gon reached up with one of his hands until he found Killua's hair and buried his fingers into it.

He felt a rush flow through him as he felt Gon push his body to his and before he knew it his back was against the bed with Gon over him. He opened his eyes to see Gon looking down at him; his face was flushed and the confusion seemed to have been replaced with something else Killua couldn't quite put into words. One of his hands was still fastened in the back of his head holding on to his hair but his other raised up to touch his face and run his thumb over his jaw; Killua let his eyes flutter shut and felt the soft pressure of Gon's lips on his again. He let himself relinquish all control and hand it to Gon even if it was for just a second; it felt amazing. Gon tilted his head and deepened the kiss in an instant; his tongue invading his mouth feeling anything he could with an increasing hunger. Killua raised his hands and dug them into Gon's unruly black hair and pulled him even closer to him.

"Killua" Gon half growled into his mouth. Killua knew he wanted to say something, but whatever it was, was going to ruin the moment; he just knew it. So he pulled Gon to him and tried to kiss him until he forgot what he wanted to say. He felt Gon fight him slightly so he pulled harder on his hair and lifted his legs to hold him in between them. Killua thought for a second he had been able to hold him down, in a manner of speaking, but then Gon made an attempt to pull away again so he let him and talked before Gon could say anything.

"Shut up Gon" he said pressing his forehead to his, refusing to open his eyes. "Please just don't" he whispered. He felt Gon breathing on his face, probably thinking what he should do.

"Okay" he said and Killua could hear the breathlessness in his voice, "But look at me" he added and Killua opened his eyes to meet Gon's. He didn't say anything but he looked so deeply into his eyes Killua thought he might know everything he was thinking. He was going to miss him so much it made every fiber of his body ache already. His heart felt tight in his chest and he knew it was only a matter of hours before he would stop feeling it beat faster whenever Gon was close. When had that even started?

Gon's eyes looked just as sad as he felt and Killua didn't want this to be the last memory he had of his face. He closed his eyes again and tried to push down the pain in his chest. Why did Gon have to do this? Why couldn't he let him just forget even if it was for a second? Just as if Gon had read his mind he lent down and kissed him again and wasted no time making it harsh. That was just what he needed; to feel Gon as much as he could in every way he could. Gon reached down to pull Killua's shirt over his head and quickly leaning down to kiss him again. The feel of his chest over his own skin felt absolutely amazing; warming him in ways he didn't even think were possible. They kissed like it would be the only time they got to do so and like it could end at any minute; like their life depended on it. They ran each other's hands over one another caressing every bit of skin they could reach trying to memorize how it felt. They did it over and over again until the slowed down and fell asleep with bruised lips and flushed faces. Killua let himself sleep if only for a seconds wrapped possessively onto Gon until he faced it was time for him to leave. He moved as quietly and quickly as he could, making sure he didn't wake Gon. He stood for a second by the edge of the bed and looked at Gon; the moon light bathing his skin. He smiled when he saw Gon's flushed red lips and then turned to walk out of the room. This was as close as he would ever be to a proper goodbye. He was gone from the city before Gon even woke up leaving only his forgotten shirt in his wake.


End file.
